I am not perfect
I love hearing about people who actively try to improve themselves. I think about personal growth a lot, and while there are times when I'm relatively happy with who I am and where I am, there are also times when I realize how much opportunity there is for me to improve. I'm self-critical in many aspects, I have an ingrained sense of competition that often pits my accomplishments against those of others, and I sometimes feel I'm destined for a life of mediocrity. That is the honest part of me talking, the part that wants to say "I'm not perfect but I'm willing to keep trying to be better."
Somewhere along the line, blogging became about "establishing a platform" or "building a brand," and I spent a bit of time focusing on my fashion background and how that informed my writing. And that's true, those experiences are there, and I wouldn't trade them for a spot on the NYT Bestseller List. But one of the reasons I left that career was because I wanted something different. I basically donated or sold off everything I owned, downsized to an that apartment twenty percent the size of the house I lived in, and started on a different path. That was ten years ago. Am I where I wanted to get? Not yet, but I'm still trying to get there, and that's important to me. I'd rather be working toward something than not, and I say that knowing that for a long time I didn't work toward something, I just floated along and let life happen to me.
I blogged weekly for a few years and then stopped (I can't tell you why--not because it's a government secret but because I don't remember). I've decided to start again. In a couple of months I'll turn fifty and maybe that's why I'm thinking less about blogging for the sake of selling books and more for the sake of charting my personal growth. I want to keep changing. I want to improve. I want to learn new things, to get to a point where I don't hate 90% of the pictures that are taken of me, build the confidence to ignore the criticism that comes at me from family, and be a better friend/writer/girlfriend/president/person.
I know I'll make mistakes. There will be days I don't want to do what I have to do. Some days I'll find the motivation to do what's necessary; some days the laziness will win (see "I am not perfect"). Maybe you're not perfect either and reading about me will help you. I don't know. But you're welcome to follow along in my ongoing quest for personal growth.